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Hello there, 2015!

So, it’s 2015 already and I think there’s nothing wrong if we take a look at 2014, just a little. At first, I’d like to write about goals that luckily I have reached in 2014 but it will never happened without these people, I guess. Well then, firstly I would like to say that 2014 had been too kind yet cruel to me since at the beginning of the year I had a fight with my parents and that was huge because I insisted that I made no mistakes while they didn’t want to admit that their way in handling their child is completely wrong. Why am I saying this? Because they are the doer, I am the feeler of what they do to me. Does that even make sense? It sounds better in my head.

I was a lil bit fucked up in January. Someone’s left. I found no peace at home. I’m lost. I even came back to my dorm two weeks before new semester started.

Luckily I got Kak Dini who listened to me. I slept in her room and she was okay with that. Then I called Farah. I once thought that we would never meet again since I hated her for several reasons (that doesn’t make sense anymore). At the end of the month, I helped her to do the final assignment; we made cakes and so on. She was there, I was happy. Then I went to Kak Tya’s house. I don’t know how to describe this but one thing she said to me, “You may found another friend, who is older than you, who acted like a sister but you won’t find the other me. What we have until this time will never happen the same way when you are with someone else.” – How to thank her? I also have no idea.

On February 2nd, I went to the Stadion of Gelora Bung Karno with one of my friends, Rhandy. I said to him that I just want to take a walk and do the share thoughts thingy. We spent the afternoon, just talking about things and I feel relieved. Though it wasn’t that much but at least I knew that I should be grateful because at my worst, I still have someone to talk to, directly. New semester started. It was three days after Valentine’s Day if I’m not mistaken. I went to the campus, I met my friends again after the holiday and I had no idea why I was so happy, I can see their faces, and again I know that I am not alone. Fourth semester began smoothly, new lessons, lecturers, other inspirational thoughts from several lectures and more knowledge. I was happy to know that I’m still alive. I remember giving Ghea and Bella chocolates regarding the tradition of Valentine’s Day. I don’t know what Valentine’s Day means, all I know is I love them and that was one out of thousand ways to show them that I do.

March; my mother’s month but I couldn’t make it home. I don’t want to go home. Like I said at first, I can’t find comfort in the house anymore. The more I try to find, the more it gets harder for me to realize that I can’t find it anymore. So I actually wanted to thank Bella for she asked me to go to Garut with her photography club. I really enjoyed the trip, it was fun. Why, because we went to the beach and the most beautiful music on earth, for me is the sound of wave. Still, I feel sad because she broke up with her boyfriend in this month. I have no idea what to say but you know you are stronger than you thought, Bel. Like I told you, I’m here to listen. You can lie on my shoulder if you want to. Though I sometimes hate you for your rude words, you’re good at telling me to face reality.

April; my parents’ 20 years wedding anniversary, still, I couldn’t make it home. You may call me a full of sin girl I don’t care. You don’t know what I’ve been through anyway 😉 so uhm, April I feel tired with my current dorm. I don’t know why, maybe because there were new people, you know, new people sucks sometimes or maybe I’m just that bad mingling with them. Whatever. I still find a joy when I hold a brush and paint. It was Pak Sandya who asked Selaras (painting club I joined on second semester) to make a painting of him and his wife to be put in the photo room of their wedding.

Then it was May 20th, one of my lecturers said that she likes the essay of mine. I was so happy at the time; I mean I know how it feels when the lecturer hates the essay I even cry in front of him. And at the time I really know how it feels when it turns out the other way. I got an A. Yes, I’m still alive.

June, the month I was born. Nothing special happened though, not even from my family. But, the day after my birthday I went to see one of my friends, he and his Capoeira club were performing at the mall near my high school so I went to watch! He was great, you know I always like when someone is doing something that they love. For me, it’s just adorable to see the joy and happiness from someone’s face when he or she is in his or her world. Thank you, Dim.

I joined as a volunteer to teach street children, I couldn’t be happier since they taught me a lot of things. We shared our dreams, our goals and how we try to reach it. Thank you, Laskar Pendidikan.

July and August were totally something!

One night, I cried because of things and voices in my head. Then Kak Yasin picked me up. We went to nearby coffee shop until 11. I told my mom that I really miss him I want to talk about many things to him and she said okay.  He was there, a brother, a brother that I always dream of. He never fails to make me laugh; he always has the stupid yet great advice. I don’t know how to thank him; he is the best brother any girl could wish for. Thank God, he said he is mine.

I only got a very short holiday because I luckily accepted to be a committee in two big events in the campus. Though it was short, it was well spent. G Class finally went to Lembang and rent a villa with a gorgeous view. Thank God I’m still alive; I can be with great friends like them.

Well, in one of the events I joined as a committee I met this one great person named Rizky. He taught me how to fight for something that we love. He said that loving someone is like holding a balloon, when you set it free, you will never get it back again. A kinda possessive boy – because for me, to love someone is to let him or her be free to do anything. Well, we shared thoughts. We learned from each other. Thank you. Anyway, because of this event I met new people from another faculty, new friends exactly. In short, I’m happy.

Nure, despite the distance that separate us, you’re always there whenever I need someone to listen. I know Germany is only few hours from here right? Thank you for encouraging me, though I know it doesn’t work sometimes because I want a real hug. Maybe that’s why people broke up because of the long distance relationship, they just can’t stand the pain when they miss the person they love. Anyway Re, I’ll go there someday, but after New York and England 😉

Also, thank you Mutia. I owe ‘Hari-Hari Sastra’ for letting us met. I never thought we’re going to be so close like now. Thanks for you always let me come to your dorm and we talk about things.

Okay. September it is. You wanna know how it feels to run away to another island with strangers? I’m an expert on that. I searched for a short trip to beach on the internet and got this amazing one to Pari Island. I planted mangrove for the first time, I feel the joy when I touched the water when I headed to the island by boat. I didn’t ask my father’s permission. That was the third time. First when I went to Jogja on 2013, alone. Second when I went to Garut on March. It was fine after all. I’m twenty and I know that there will come a time when the only person I need permission from is me.

October; the cruelest month oh I forgot it was Fifth semester already. Yes I am screwed because it was the laziest phase during my time at the college. God still let me breathe and blink and talk and so on. Jenggo is a sudden favorite place to talk isn’t it, Dim? Thank you, despite the rain, smokes, people who always say that there is something between us (oh of course there is something. Something they cannot see. Something that makes me wants to tell you (only you) anything, something that they don’t have.) I still enjoy my ice chocolate as you do with your bitter coffee in our conversation. Thank you for being here and there, arguing with me, even your words made me cry I don’t know why. Anyway, I like arguing with you when I’m right. You know what, sometimes I have this feeling that I want to keep you forever but I know there is no such thing as forever. Our forever could end in an hour, or a hundred years from now. I’m going to die, and you’re going to die as well. But before the fate destine us to die, meeting you at San Francisco will not be just a dream. I can’t promise you that it will happen in 2015 but it will, eventually. Therefore I think, since God still let me breathe and I have a phone to call and text you, I should be grateful. Oh! Your face also turned red when you said the pinky thing :p

November and December should be dedicated for this little person, what who? Yes you, Ghe. Just like Piglet say, she may got a small body but she has a great heart. Why let me be cute for this is my writing anyway. So we went to Batu Karas and it was our first trip together, I don’t know why but I feel happy when I saw her smiling while taking photos on the boat. She had been through a lot this year, I don’t know exactly what she feels but when you care about someone, you just can’t stand the sight seeing he or she is hurt.

It’s just the same when Dimas told me about his ex-girlfriend. He may laughs, but I can see he is hurt by the way he talks. No shit, Dim. I can see things, you said you got sixth sense, I got eighth HAHA.

Okay Ghe, thank you for the night talks, the only-both-of-us-who-knew talks, the french fries, the mean words, THE HORSE YEAH! Everything we did. I hope you find your happiness with him so that you’ll GAIN WEIGHT. I also secretly hope that we will spend New Year’s Eve 2016 together, okay by saying together it means I already have a boyfriend, too. Now it’s no longer a secret.

Well, those are my 2014 in a nutshell. Thank you for reading and I hope you guys will find happiness in 2015. Happy New Year!

–My blog has reached a thousand hits in 2014. Thank you, WordPress.–

2014

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