the unsent letters

to the woman who has a strong hunch and is usually right


this is weird because i don’t think i can write to you. you read me well, you know things way better than me. 

it felt weird, my very first bar-visit at jakarta. the second time of all, the first was at bandung. and my very first beer throughout my entire life. though the taste sucks i’m happy i’ve tasted it. uhm, wait, my stomach hurts lol. 

most times i wonder how to reduce the pain in my head. i keep questioning how it feels to get drunk, is it necessary? do i need that? do i need to do that to shut the voices in my head? 

you keep telling me how happy you are after drinking alcohol and smoke some weeds. i wonder how it feels to be that happy. unfortunately, i don’t think my body is strong enough to handle that thing. 

but that’s okay, having you as my friend is a happy thing. singing along with you on the train along the way from manggarai to bekasi is a happy thing. eating pork with you, again, for the very first time is a happy thing.

i thank you for that.

thank you for being here.

thank you for being the open ears that listen.

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