Tulisan ini akhirnya berhasil selesai, berkat keisengan gue sendiri dan Manda yang beberapa hari lalu mengunjungi Plaza Kuningan tepatnya buat makan ayam ngeng. Terus kita ngacir ke lantai 9. Tadinya gue sama sekali nggak bisa ngelanjutin tulisan ini dari bulan Februari lalu, karena ya sesedih itu. This is going to be a little bit teary because today is supposed to be my first-year anniversary working in that place but yea, you know, life.
Nggak banyak yang berubah di lantai 9, dari sejak akhir 2018. Cuma beberapa ruangan yang tadinya kosong, sekarang udah diisi sama kantor-kantor baru. Sisanya, sama. Masih ada kantor pak pengacara yang selalu bawa anaknya kalo lagi kerja, masih ada pantry yang sendok sama garpunya udah abis sebelum jam makan siang, masih ada deretan kursi di pintu tengah yang langsung ngarah ke lift. Dan masih ada ruangan paling besar di lantai 9, yang pintunya depannya selalu berisik kalo dibuka. Tapi ruangannya kosong. Nggak seramai waktu 21 Desember 2018 lalu, makan-makan terakhir di ruangan itu. Hehe.
I don’t write much about this. No, it’s difficult to write about this. Because to be completely honest, when it was August 27th, 2018 my very first day at the office, I was really anxious. I was sad because my thoughts were still attached to the former office which buildings just across the road. Therefore, I don’t think I can adapt well at the time.
It was really quiet that morning. I was sleepy. Until Pak Rizki came to get me acquainted with all of you.
Dear Pak Rizki, if you happen to read this one day, please know I am thankful that I had a chance to work with you. I don’t know how to properly say this but you are a kind-hearted person, and I hate to see you cry that day when you had to announce the bad news. No one wants the office to collapsed. No one wants to feel sad.
But I don’t write this to feel sad, not anymore. I write this to feel better instead. My insecurity never let me trust myself, even at work. I thought I would never felt this way, I thought I would never meet friends like Manda, Sutera, even the funniest one, Feli. I thought it was just an ordinary office with ordinary people who work to survive. But, turns out it’s not. It feels different working with your closest friends and working with people you don’t know before, with people you don’t even know exist, with people who experience the same nightmare, only if you look closer.
I wish I had more time to work with Mas Erwin, though we rarely talked back then. I’m still curious about what skincare do you use for your lips lol. Thank you for saying thank you when I privately complained to you, about my job description on week two working there. You’re a good listener, honestly. I regret the time when I don’t discuss the job with you, sometimes anxiety doesn’t let me do so. And it’s really hard to fight the feeling when the tears about to explode but the brain has questions.
I really miss looking at everyone’s happy faces, when Mbak Betty came to the office brought us so many kinds of food. And I was totally happy when she told me, on my very first day that I have great hair. Dearest Mbak Betty, it means a lot to me. It took me more than 9 years to finally begin loving my curly hair. Thank you for saying that.
As cheesy as it may sounds but I can’t find another place where I can buy bubur ayam pakde, and a double-shot kopi susu keluarga made by Mas Ihsan always at 7 in the morning. When Manda asked me to buy a coffee (again) in the afternoon because we, basically felt sleepy all the time. When Manda felt terrible because she had no idea how to calm me down when I cried after I told her stories about my father. When Sutera cried because I cried over my ex lmao. When Feli calmed me down after I cried over stupid things. When Kak Indah calmed me down on THAT DAY. Wait, I was such a crybaby hahaha. But I can’t find another place where the people genuinely ask me if there is something wrong, whenever my eyes look sad. Though it does look sad all the time.
I can’t find another place where I can eat ayam ngeng and its delicious spicy sambal, almost with everyone in the room: Sri, Fitri, Qoni, Nita, Flo, Sanela, Kak Binti. The random afternoon walk with Kak Mia, strolled around Monas and Lapangan Banteng. The sun was perfect that day. The serious talk with Mas Ichsan, the finding-new-jobs with Harlen, the gossiping time with Anu on weekend lolll, another curhat session with Mbak Vero, Yalle’s marriage stories which I can’t believe until today, everything. I can only do that at this place. Clearly, because they’re all there.
But just like another sad story, it wouldn’t be less sad or less heart-breaking if it’s repeated. It won’t lessen the pain. And it wouldn’t be the same, even the laughter at lunchtime, the indomie when-everyone-suddenly-felt-hungry time, the overtime, with and without the air conditioner. And when it’s only us who worked at the weekend. When we had to refill the water dispenser. When we actually, mainly just sing and sleep and sing again on weekend, OH DON’T FORGET THE POTLUCK TIME arranged by Defi and Fenni.
There was this day when I asked Manda, because I was confused to make a list of my job description back then at the office.
“Man, waktu itu kerjaan kita ngapain aja sih?”
“Kita itu di sana belajar bahagia, Fa”.
“but 5 months is all you got,” life said.